10 of the worst celebrity tattoos Celebrities are idiots. This is proven every time Mel Gibson starts ranting and raving or any time Lindsay Lohan walks out of a store with a “borrowed” necklace or any time Charlie Sheen does, well, anything really. It’s also proven over and over and over again by the ridiculous tattoos they willingly pay to have painfully etched onto their bodies. Don’t get me wrong, tattoos are cool, but it’s not like the following celebrities are hardened prison badasses who can pull that kind of thing off. Well, besides Mike Tyson anyway. No, the following ten celebrity tattoos are just ten more pieces of evidence that celebrities tend to live in their own world, their own ridiculous, ridiculous world. So let’s make fun of them, shall we?
10 Fred Durst
Hey, it’s great that Fred Durst idolizes both Kurt Cobain and Elvis Presley. A lot of people do. But most people don’t decide to get the faces of their idols tattooed on their chest. But Fred Durst is a former tattoo artist and also kind of an idiot, so, hey, why not? The worst thing about this tattoo is that every time Fred Durst looks in the mirror he has to look at two faces staring back at him who actually have the one thing he so obviously lacks: talent. Why would he want to remind himself of that every day? Maybe he is just a masochist. Who knows?
What the hell are those paw prints even supposed to mean? Are they supposed to memorialize the time a raccoon crawled all over her chest or something? This one is just confusing which is what makes it so stupid. I guess she might have been trying to make some sort of statement about being a woman and being walked on or… look, I’m just trying to help her out here but let’s face it, there is absolutely no good reason for getting a tattoo of animal paws on your chest. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the Ten Commandments. You know, one of the minor ones? Thou shalt not get crappy animal paws tattooed on thy chest. It’s in the Bible. You can look it up if you don’t believe me.
8 Brock Lesnar
Uh, Brock, I hate to tell you this, but that sword on your chest? Yeah, it kind of looks like a penis. I’m guessing no one had that balls to tell Brock to his face when he decided to get this mistake slapped on his chest that it would just make it look like he was, uh, what’s the cleanest way I can put this? That he was, uh, making love to a disembodied penis with his pecs every time he moved. Really, I can’t talk any more about this without things getting outrageously dirty so let’s just move on.
7 Tom Arnold
Yeah, I’m guessing Tom Arnold wants a do over on this one. But who could have foreseen such a thing? Who could have known that one day he would regret getting the face of Roseanne friggin’ Barr tattooed on his chest? If my computer had a sarcasm button I would be mashing the hell out of that thing right now because the correct answer to those questions is everybody. Jesus, Tom, it wasn’t bad enough that you married her and had to sleep with her (which I’m guessing involved a wagonload of Wild Turkey, a lot of tears and the darkest room on the face of the earth) you had to tattoo that awful face on your chest too? I mean, come on, dude. Did you really need the money that badly? Then again, he’s Tom Arnold so maybe he just understood that this was the best he could do and he decided to memorialize it via the permanence of a tattoo. God, that’s a depressing thought. Great, now I just feel sad.
6 Hayden Panettiere
On first glance, Hayden’s tattoo seems like just another harmless albeit self-indulgent celebrity tattoo. On second glance, the tattoo, which reads Vivere senza rimipianti, Italian for “live without regrets”, is misspelled. Yup. Apparently, the tattoo artist slipped an extra “i” into the Italian word rimpianti, creating the gibberish word rimipianti, which I’m guessing is Italian for lolololol. Poor Hayden. I guess it’s a good thing her giant sloth of a boyfriend can’t read. Also, if he can read, I didn’t write that.
5 Brad Pitt
Oh, come on now. Is this thing real? Apparently it is. You would assume that this tattoo, nonsensical as it is, would have some sort of hidden meaning, like one of those Sanskrit or Kabbalah tattoos that are too complex for the tiny brains of simple folk to comprehend. I mean, after all, he is married to Angelina Jolie who would probably get a tattoo of a bear taking a dump in the woods if you told her it had some sort of hidden, mystical meaning. That assumption would be dumb enough. But that doesn’t even cover Pitt’s ridiculous tattoo. No, apparently, one night Angelina just decided to doodle a bunch of dumb crap on Brad’s back and, naturally, he decided to immortalize her adorable whimsy (there goes that sarcasm button again) by having a tattoo artist permanently ink it onto his back. What else is there to say after that?
4 Mena Suvari
Really, it’s the whole package that makes this a terrible tattoo. Let’s go into the mind of the tattoo artist to try to figure this out: “Okay, so you want a tattoo of a lion. That’s cool. Sorta anyway. You want it where? On your neck? Uh, okay. Um, well, the lion’s face sort of looks like an old man’s, so do you want us to change it? No? You want us to add some gibberish below that? Okay, you’re the boss. So what do you want it to say? A song lyric maybe? Those are popular. Wait… what? WORD SOUND POWER? Uh… okay. Jesus, you know this is permanent right? You can’t just wash this off later. Okay, just checking.” I’m going to guess that since this is on her back and neck, Mena has never had to truly see how awful this looks. Somebody get this lady a mirror, damn it!
3 Megan Fox
First of all, bravo to Megan Fox for quoting Shakespeare. But this just screams pretentious, don’t you think? Almost all tattoos that are famous quotes just make the tattoo’s owner look shallow and ridiculous instead of deep and wise. But like I said, maybe we should give her the benefit of the doubt for quoting King Lear instead of… wait, why is she quoting King Lear? What in the hell does that have to do with Megan Fox? Does she understand that she is basically the modern version of a “gilded butterfly?” Who is she laughing at? If anything, the quote just makes her look like she has no self-awareness at all. Yes, Megan, you are valued for your depth and your talent and not for the fact that you are something that horny guys like to stare at and little more. This quote is so maddeningly pretentious that it makes people forget the fact that she has a ridiculous tattoo of Marilyn Monroe’s face plastered on her body, which makes the shoulder tattoo doubly insane because if anyone could be culturally associated with the concept of the “gilded butterfly” it’s Marilyn Monroe.
2 Dennis Rodman
Jesus, Dennis. What in the hell is that? Is that a lady with… with a giant penis? What is going on there? Taken on the whole, in the context of Dennis Rodman’s mighty oeuvre of crazy, maybe this isn’t so ridiculous. I mean, of course Dennis Rodman has a tattoo of a winged lady who looks like she’s about to go down on her own giant penis. It would be unnatural if he didn’t. I’m guessing this is how he led the NBA in rebounds all those years. He would go up for a missed shot and the dude fighting him for the rebound would see that thing and get scared shitless and back right the hell off. Oh Dennis, you are a crafty one.
1 Mike Tyson
Oh come on, like it could be anybody else. Really, if we’re being honest here, doesn’t this seem like it was Iron Mike’s fate all along? To have the most ridiculous celebrity tattoo of them all? I think a lot of people have grown immune to Tyson’s craziness over the years and now nobody really bats an eye at this damn thing anymore but let’s not forget how shocked people were when this happened — not really shocked that he was crazy enough to get a tattoo like this, but that he got a tattoo that covered half his damn face. It’s one thing to think a dude could be that nuts. It’s another thing to actually see it and when he first emerged with that thing on the side of his head people were dumbfounded. It’s not like it has any sort of deep meaning either. He just did it because it would look crazy. You can’t convince me he had any other reason, and hey, good for him I guess. I mean, when you’re Mike Tyson you might as well embrace that. Besides, in a few years the dude will probably get, like, antlers or a giant rhino horn surgically implanted into his head and we’ll forget all about a simple tattoo. But for now, that simple tattoo is hideous enough and dumb enough to be the worst celebrity tattoo of them all. Congrats, Mike.
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